Moments That Change You!

In one moment you are change no matter how small it is. At first you are not happy with what is said or done at that moment in time. So you go on with your life and try to not let the thing over come you, but you think about it and it stays with you and cause you to be cold with people around you. People around you think it something they say or have done. They might be right, but you tell the person it has nothing to do with them and they did not do anything wrong.  Later on you try to change the way you act to them, but you can not because of what happen. In time you might change, but you talk very little with them and act short with them.

Just wanted you to know…

You are never alone. I will always care for you and think of you. I will always love you. I always hope you have a good life, that you are happy and loved, but no matter what will happen, always remember that you are loved by me. We had a life together, and we have a bond for life. I want the best for you…if I could give it all to you I would.

Just never forget this….you are cared for and loved. And things will be ok. 🙂

To The Persons Name I Can Not Say

I wait for your call and you never call…I call but I never get an answer…It is the same thing every time…”All circuits are busy now!” You say you will call, but you never do! I go another day depressed because I hope I would talk to you. My Hope turn into Desperation. My Desperation turns into Contempt. My Contempt turn into Nothing….. And I begin to think you where part of my imagination!

I have to think were you really ever there, but I second guess myself because something there keeps tell me that you were always there, but the reality is you were hard to see though the prism of emotions.

This just goes back to am I a Foolish person?

Am I a Fool?

I have to wonder if I was a fool for thinking I was different. From what I have seen I was not different, but a fool for thinking that. I was ask out by someone couple of times and I just said “OK” to the person, but not really meaning it. Finally, I ask the person to do something and the person said “yes” to me, so I tried to meet on two different times, but it never happen for some reason or another, I accepted it. Did that person just do really because they wanted to or was because of another reason? Was I used to as a pawn for another motive? I really do not know! I have just have wonder was I a fool in all of this? I know it would have never been more then it was. I keep going on with my life as nothing really is wrong, something I do very well or maybe I do not that well, I can never tell.  I am told I am “nice person” by people I know, but that is all I am to people that know me. Read More …

As I Sit Alone

As I sit alone here at Washington Square Mall, I see lots of people with others, but for me, I am alone. There was a guy sitting next to me. He was talking to a family member about a trip he took last year and how much it cost. He had one business call and he called at least one company about a balance on an account he had. I see what type life I have..It’s lonely one that I do the same thing over and over everyday. When I came in I held open the door for this young lady..Something I would have done if would done for anyone. Later that same young lady sat by me when she ate her dinner. I think she when to same place I got food at. I see people walk by that look happy, but I really can not tell if they are or they are not happy. There is family sitting behind me and the baby is crying and screaming and her mother telling her no for some reason. I see the mall employees constantly working to keep the place clean for everyone. Back to young lady that was sitting by me, she was attractive Asian, maybe Filipino or Thai and from what I could tell she was not married and had bag from Northstrom in her hand that she carry in from the car. More people come and go, but I Sit Alone, not even getting phone call, but who is going to call me? Work? Ex-Wife? Friend? No-One!

People have stories to tell, but I have no story to tell because I have nothing interesting to say. Just like this my blog, who really reads it? From what I can see its Goolge Bot, BlogPulseLive, Baiduspider+, Q9 Networks Inc., Amazon, Inc., but are there any real people that look at other then Search Bot? I really do not know. I had one person I know tell me the looks at it.. I got 139 Vistors, 498 Pageviews, 1368 Spider for December so far, but is the vistors real or just automated computer programs logon and cataloguing my website?

I did have someone that I know come up to me and talking to me for brief moment. Which I like that, it made me be notice, which that does not happen very much. I am for the most part invisible to everyone. Even when in a room of people that I know I am still invisible to the people there.

To Unknown Person

This morning I got a message from Unknown Person and that Unknown Person wanted to talk to me, but I was tired and I wanted to sleep. I think that the Unknown Person understood that, but I think the Unknown Person was upset with me and not talking to them. For that Unknown Person to understand, I was tired and I had problem sleeping that night and I have been having problems with my back. I have notice that if i do not sleep enough I have very bad pain in my back all day. I know that Unknown Person “miss me,” but there is time that Unknown Person does not show what they feel and its hard a lot of time to understand the true intent of that Unknown Person. Note: to the Unknown Person, this is in noway saying anything bad about you, but me telling you that i am sorry for it and not to take way I act as a rejection or anything like that, but sometimes I am just I am tired and i need sleep.

I am sure I am not the only one that has an Unknown Person in their life that they have or had issue with and you can not understand the true meaning of the feeling at hand.

How Do You Measure Your Life?

I was cleaning things up around my little place I live in and I came across something stuff that my wife gave me a long time ago. One of the things was a web page she wrote for me ten years after me proposing to her. In this letter she was scared that know cared about her anymore and that i did not care about her anymore and that she cried thinking about that. The things is I forgot that I had that until I was looking though my stuff. In it she also ask me if remember were I proposed to her at and what i had with me. The thing is I do remember were I did it and what I had with me. Then I found a award for the “Best Husband” that she made for me about 3 months after we were married. I just look back on my marriage with her and wonder why I got that award because I do not think I was not good husband. Sometime, I was good husband to her and other times I was not, but with every marriage you have problems, but you should work things out no matter what happens.

This year we have been married for 12 years and for most people in my family that is longtime. As my marriage to her comes to an end, I have think back on what made me happy and what made me sad throughout the whole time. As think about it, I hope thing there was more happy things then anything else. Even though we had very hard almost 4 years apart, It was not the happiest time in my life because when you live with someone for so long, you grow to depend on that person to help you in you life.

How do you measure your life?

Silent Of The Night!

I was outside and it was silent all but one sheep in the yard and dog barking in the distance. I look out over the horizon and i see lights of different cities and houses and three radio antennas. The sky is very clear that you can see all the stars of heavens. The one that i can make out is the Big Dipper, there are some other ones that recognized, but do not know for sure.

Silent of the Night is peaceful…

Who is really REAL?

I went to the mall today to get something to eat at this Japanese place. I use to eat there a lot when I was in Ohio. As i sat there eating and doing some of my homework (did not get much done), I started to watch the people that were walking around me. There is a very interesting bunch of people that are here. But who is really REAL? Must of the people here are mall employees most of them are dress up in nice cloths. Even though they are dress in nice cloths, what is wrong with them. Are they trying to be something they are not? There are two people that are siding to left of me that were waiting for a person to show up, after about 30 minutes the person showed up. This person in dress in blue pin strip shirt and some dark colored tie and dark colored pants. He does not have anything that would draw attraction to himself, he has looks like normal person.

On thing I never understood is, when females dress they dress to be notice. Wearing tight and revealing cloths. There was one young lady that was kind of running and she had this wife beater shirt on that showed her breast and she was not any older then 16 or 17 years old, maybe young. She keep her hands over her shirt so her breast would not come out because as she was running, she was jumping too.

I was in line at the other day at the groceries store and this attractive old lady was wearing low cut shirt that showed herself off and as she was taking things out of the cart she keep something over herself so nothing was shown. I was not even pay attention to her, but I took an move behind her, so she did not have to do that. why do they wear cloths like that and think people will look at them. Some people like and get off to it, but the other just do to be sexy looking so people look at them.

They people portend to be something they are not and they are not real! They are conforming to socially around them and that is tell them who and to act.

How do you know mouthwash is working?

This might be a strange post, but I find this interesting. Almost everyone has used mouthwash at one point or another in their life. I remember when I was going elementary school, they gave use some pink fluoride mouthwash on Tuesdays. Only thing I can remember about this is that it has weird fruity taste to it. I really do not know if was working or not.

That being the case, how you do know that mouthwash is working. When you put in your mouth and you are moving it around it starts to burn. This burning feeling is it killing the germs in your mouth. After a while (about 30 seconds or less) it burns so much you have spit it out, but the burning feeling does not go away. At this point your tongue and lower gum are numb from the menthol that was used in the mouthwash.

You might not know, but that burning is what indicates that it working. If you did not have that feeling, would ever know if was doing something?

Even the ones that say, “they do not have any alcohol or menthol” still have that burn feeling a little.